I looked in the mirror at my mess of hair and as I tried to put it in order I saw it. Gray. I looked closer and there it was, a flash of gray weaving it’s way through my roots. I’d been watching for it, wondering when it would appear, and here it was.
A lightning bolt of exhilaration shot through my body. Not quite the reaction I anticipated but I couldn’t deny it. A buzz of excitement flowed through my veins.
Lately it feels like I’ve been jumping through ring after ring of fire on this journey of life. Each new phase rocking my world and challenging the pillars of my identity as a mother, wife and individual.
My role as a mother has evolved over the years but this past year brought more change than I was ready for. I anticipated the graduations, confirmations and college for a long time but actually living through these moments was so bittersweet. The same family structure we’ve enjoyed for the past 18 years has changed. It is a tremendous blessing to watch both my daughters growing up into independent young ladies, but at the same time I’m uncertain how to navigate these new waters in a motherly fashion.
My marital relationship is another area experiencing change as it grows to include caregiving. My husband has lived with Young Onset Parkinson’s for over 10 years now and I thank God every day that his progression has been mild for so long. But each passing year brings new challenges and changes to his condition. Sometimes the energy it takes to be the encourager and support for his health is overwhelming to me.
Rounding up the changes in my life is my entrepreneurial journey which is currently on hiatus. I set out a few years ago full of ambition to make the world a healthier place. I’ve had a lot of fun, met some amazing people and learned so much along the way. I’ve led online programs, taught cooking classes, even started a food business. For now, those aspirations are on hold as I rebuild my vision and regenerate my determination. New opportunities will emerge when the time is right.
Back to the gray. You might not see it for a while since my hair is a palette of colors reflective of the seasons, but discovering it felt like a culmination of so much change in so little time. Like a crown at the end of a race. A signal to stop and breathe. Stop trying so hard to change the world around me and instead enjoy my little corner of it. Breathe in each moment before it passes into memory.
Change will always come but one thing will always remain the same. The one constant through all of life is God. He never changes, is always the same today, yesterday and tomorrow. When I put the turbulence of life aside and seek refuge in the steady of hand of God all my worries wash away. Peace and strength to face the day are found, no matter the color of my hair.
Leave me a comment with some of the challenges and changes you face.